It’s hard for me to write under the best of conditions–I’m a pronounced procrastinator who always can rationalize away a reason to write. But now that I’m down with cancer, I have both the best opportunity to, as well as the best reason not to, write.
I have much to write about–anyone does, really. But in the short period of time since my diagnosis on November 30, 2009, with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL) and the Philadelphia Chromosome abnormality, I have accumulated many things in my mind that I would like to record for my own self-interest. For example, I would like to log down the emergency room scene when I was told about my disease, including the moaning drunk outside my pulled curtain (as cliche as it may sound), to capture what I remember and felt about that experience. I would also like to describe what it’s like to be stuck in a hospital bed in a room where everyone who enters has to wear a mask. It becomes rather surreal when I had multiple visitors sitting around me trying to communicate through their eyes. And of course I will want to try to explain how the treatment and various medications are affecting me physically and mentally. Yes, lots to discuss as long as I am unable to convince myself not to write.
But what I really want to acknowledge first and will discuss in my next post, what I want to make sure anyone who reads this understands, is that I very quickly have become truly thankful for my disease.